Children’s sense of meaning

Introduction

Safety is the driver of life’s activity; meaning is the navigator. Writers such as David Denborough, Victor Frankl and Martin Seligman have noted our basic need for meaning, for belonging to something greater than we are as individuals. Children, just like adults, are naturally drawn to search for meaning, curating stories about who they are as people, and how they fit in their worlds. The stories that emerge from this activity are processed with reference to their existing memories and contribute to their dynamic, overarching narratives of themselves and others.

Meaning: Children’s sense of self and identity

Self-narratives

Self-narratives reflect each child’s view of who they are. They are formed as children search across the many stories and memories events in their lives, interpreting these experiences through their unique, ever-developing lens. Self-narratives are difficult, or impossible, to clearly articulate as they are largely represented in implicit memory. Unlike the multiple stories children hold in their conscious, explicit memory, self-narratives do not have a clear structure, such as a beginning, a middle and an end.

The dynamic nature and multiplicity of narratives, indicates that there is not one true ‘self’, but many versions of the self that surface in diverse circumstances. Furthermore, many of children’s narratives are shared with others in their families, local communities and wider society and are reflected in the discourse that binds social groups together.

Self-narratives represent networks of memory pathways that are strengthened and weakened in accordance with the frequency, intensity and nature of the situations in which they are visited. Neural pathways associated with narratives that are consistent with the activity children discern around them become stronger while those that are discrepant lose their hold.

When a child regularly responds in challenging ways, it is not uncommon for problem-saturated stories about them to emerge and filter across social environments, such as schools and communities. Naturally, these stories are absorbed by the young person concerned and elements of stories are integrated into the self-narratives that inform their actions.  Supporting a young person to update their self-narratives and think, feel and act in more positive, adaptive ways requires recognition of and building on the strengths and supports that exist in their life. Even when a child’s life has featured many challenging moments, it is always possible to find ‘sparkling moments’, the positive moments that depart from a dominantly negative story. Positive moments, past and present, provide a foundation of strength and support for the young person to build new adaptive neural pathways and they denote pivotal points to focus supportive activity. Their discovery is therefore a vital step toward re-scripting a positive self-narrative.

Meaning: Belonging

Children who make sense of their environments as they search for meaning construct notions of who they are in relation to others. They are comfortable and excited about their journeys through life. That is, they develop a strong sense of identity. Their participation in the social world reflects and contributes to nested systems of shared beliefs and practices. In their search, children recognise that they belong to something greater than they are as individuals. For example, a young person may see themselves as a valued member of a school, a team, a religious group, or a community and experience unconditional inclusion in their families.

With a strong sense of meaning, children:

• recognise the purpose of their life and activity

• see that they contribute

• appreciate that they are valued by others

• have a sense of direction

• look to the future with optimism

Sense of meaning, along with sense of safety, is an indicator of children’s well-being. Children strive to make sense of their surroundings and the broader structures in which they exist. They constantly search, working to strengthen and expand their connections with their worlds. In the process, they discover that although they cannot always change the world around them, if their world has meaning, they are able to choose how they respond.  

Supporting sense of meaning

1. Positive approaches

As adults we can help children to appreciate that they matter to others and feel proud about who they are. Supporting children to have a positive sense of who they are means helping them to see that being them is a good thing. We can help them to like themselves, to be self-compassionate.

We can nurture positive views of the self by positioning problems and solutions external to the child, between the child and their world. From this vantage point, children can make changes to their relationships with problems and do not feel stuck in the belief that problems are an inherent part of them. Positive approaches involve:

• noticing what is good in children’s lives

• creating opportunities for children to engage in meaningful, pleasurable activity

• connecting with families to understand what each child experiences as pleasurable

• prioritising social emotional learning

• using positive, appreciative language when speaking with or about children.

Our views of the world are embedded in the language we use. We can use language to place problems in our external environments and use our strength to change our relationship with them. At first, using language that places problems externally to us feels unfamiliar and uncomfortable. Fortunately, it becomes more natural over time. Below are some points to remember when talking about problems and solutions.

• The problem is the problem, not the person.

• The problem is often just a bad solution.

• Children and adults can change relationships with problems and find better solutions.

• There is always a sparkling moment in a child’s life

• Everyone starts their journey from the place they start.

• A positively-reframed problem redirects energy to a desirable response.

• New responses require repeated experience to become preferred actions.

2. Positive anticipation: Hope and optimism

Children develop hope and optimism for the future when they experience trusting relationships and positive experiences. Hope and optimism emerge when children develop the following knowledge and skill.

· Trust that the outcome can be positive

· Appreciate how activity aligns with their familiar world

· Predict eventualities

· Develop a positive sense of direction

· Grow the ability to see and create opportunities along that pathway

· Understand how activity fits with their hopes and dreams for the future

· Sense that their contributions are valued

When children enjoy repeated, positive, soothing early experiences, they are most likely to view the world around them as safe and predictable and to trust those around them to protect and care for them. They carry a sense of optimism, expecting that further positive experiences lie ahead. When children are not convinced that they can rely on anyone to protect them, they are frightened. The survival response – fight, flight or freeze – ensues as they look inside themselves for support. In such cases, children’s responses may appear inappropriate or disproportionate for the situation at hand.

3. Holding a positive vision: Adults’ trust in narratives’ negotiability.

A powerful influence on children’s well-being and learning is adult belief about young people’s possible and probably futures. Positive visions of children’s futures drive parenting and teaching practice that supports them to develop the skills and core beliefs that will help them create positive pathways through life. Children learn to recognise success, to absorb inevitable setbacks and make the most of opportunities they create with others.  Parents and teachers who are optimistic and care about the young people they teach maintain sight of and enhance strengths and supports. They nurture the neuro-plastic processes that allow children’s narratives of self and the world to continually change.

4. Making sense: Freedom to choose

Young people rely on adults to determine their boundaries and delineate the areas in which they can safely explore. Within these clear and meaningful limits, they can observe patterns of interaction that become increasingly familiar to them. When the boundaries are not clarified, it becomes more difficult for young people to anchor observed interactions and chose how they respond. In such circumstances, they are confused and may respond in inappropriate and unpredictable ways. There is sufficient overlap of practices in children’s social and cultural environments. These defensive responses are intensified when children move between environments that are very different.

 In sum, young people are free to choose their responses when:

• boundaries are clear and fair and there is sufficient choice

• there is sufficient support for young people to discern patterns and adjust responses to accommodate the sense-making practices in less familiar environments and diverse social and cultural groups.

5. Connections and belonging

Adults can learn about children’s connections with the world around them and help them to connect with entities that are greater than them as individuals. They may:

• discover children’s links to their worlds through conversation, play and visual representation

• foster sense of belonging and inclusion in school

• facilitate new, meaningful connections, helping to script pathways forward

• connect with families to exchange understandings of children’s intrinsic interests. 

6. Awareness of every interaction

Children’s views of themselves and others are shaped by the conversations they have with others and the messages they infer from the verbal and non-verbal interactions they observe. As adults we must be mindful that:

• actions speak louder than words - our actions can lead children to view the world as safe, meaningful and predictable or disconnected from them

• children look for consistency among the words and gestures we make and the tones we use

• expectations of young people in social learning environments are both explicit and implicit.

7. Supporting adults’ well-being

When adults have a strong sense of belonging and purpose and feel safe and fulfilled with their work and their lives, they are in a good space to help the young people with whom they work. Just as young people, parents and teachers need to experience positive emotions, consistent, predictable environments, and exciting, manageable challenges. They need to:

• feel part of something greater

• keep in sight the purpose of their activity

• appreciate the value they add to young people’s lives

• recognise how their work activity enriches their own life

• sense that their contributions are valued

• feel safe to take initiative.

Summarised from Annan, J. (2022). 7 Dimensions: Children’s emotional well-being. Mary Egan Publishing.